Sudden death of ex-wife leaves me in tears

Please note: The current Coronavirus Covid-19 pandemic is fast moving, and reactions to it seem to update not just day-by-day but minute-by-minute. Obviously, this site was not designed to bring you the very latest developments in a ‘breaking news’ story such as this. Instead, this site will continue to include news and opinions relating to major events, policy changes, and so on.

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Happy Sunday everyone, or as happy as it can be in these days of COVID-19 and lockdowns. Here, in Spain, today is day 22 of our incarceration that is strictly enforced by the police and, in some parts of the country, the army.

Many regular readers will know that a Sunday post is not part of my usual schedule, it is a ‘special’.

Two days ago, I received extremely sad information that was news to me but, actually happened four months ago. My first wife, Jill, died in a UK hospital, on December 1, but it seems not to have been caused by coronavirus. To the best of my knowledge, she contracted sepsis following what has been described as a routine operation.

Unexpectedly, to me at least, the news of her demise came as a huge shock and I spent much of Friday in tears. I couldn’t understand why I was crying, but my second wife Lisa could.

She said: “It’s natural, you are grieving. You were no longer ‘in love’ with Jill but you still loved her. You were married more than 34 years, you had happy times- I would think less of you if you weren’t upset.”

Divorce: MS not to blame

Jill and I married in February 1977 and divorced in September 2011. Our marriage had lasted just over 34½ years. Like everyone else, we had our ups and downs, but my memories of those delightful ‘happy times’ outweigh the others.

My late ex-wife Jill with her granddaughter Stephanie.

I was given a diagnosis of having multiple sclerosis in 2002 but, even though Jill admitted that she was not cut out to be a nurse, MS was not the cause of the breakdown of our marriage.

Thinking back, I suppose that it was about 2006 or 07 that realization dawned that, while we still loved each other, I was no longer ‘in love’ with her.

To cut the proverbial long story short, we ended up with an uncontested divorce which came into full effect on September 5, 2011. Lisa and I married eight weeks later, while Jill and her new love Peter Jones immediately started living together, they married a couple of years later.

In Lisa I found the love of my life and I believe that, in Peter, Jill found hers too.

Farewell Jill (Jones formerly Franks), I hope you were reunited with pets who had already crossed the Rainbow Bridge. RIP xx.

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Spelling

Please note that being born in the UK, all my posts, are written using British English spelling.

For example:

Centre                              not center (except in names, Centers of Disease Control)                  Colour                              not color                                                                                                                      Diarrhoea                       not diarrhea                                                                                                  Haematology                not hematology                                                                                Haematopoietic          not hematopoietic

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50shadesofsun.com is the personal website of Ian Franks. He enjoyed a successful career as a journalist, from reporter to editor in the print media. He gained a Journalist of the Year award in his native UK. More recently, he was a freelance medical writer and editor for various health information sites. Ian received a diagnosis of MS in 2002 and now lives in the south of Spain. He uses a wheelchair and advocates on mobility and accessibility issues.

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Note: Health-related information available on 50shadesofsun website is for your general knowledge only. It is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. Ian is not a doctor, so cannot and does not give you medical advice. You should seek prompt medical care for any specific health issues. Also, consult a doctor before starting a new diet or exercise programme. Any opinions expressed are purely his own unless otherwise stated.

2 thoughts on “Sudden death of ex-wife leaves me in tears

  1. I relate to this because the same happened to me . We married in 1975 and divorced in 2004 . I met the love of my life in 2011 and we have never been apart since . But in 2018 I heard that my ex husband , father of my children had collapsed and died . He had gone on holiday down south in the UK and had been seen collapsing and he died instantly.
    When I got the news I too cried my heart out , it took me by surprise, I couldn’t understand why I was crying , I didn’t know I had any feelings left for him , as we had a troubled marriage and only stayed together for the children until they grew up .
    I think some of the upset was caused too , by seeing my children grieving for their father .
    My partner and I send our kind regards , keep up the blogs , we enjoy reading them . I’m the one with the MS .
    Stay safe . 🙏

    Like

    • Hi Sue, thanks for writing. It did me good to realise that I am not alone in grieving for a divorced former wife. I felt guilty until Lisa said it was normal. Your kind thoughts are much appreciated.

      Like

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